I'm Not Your Hero
by sabbe
Summary: AU. He presses the tip of his wand against her throat. "I don't trust you any more than I trust Snivellus," Sirius sneers. "Once a Death Eater. Always a Death Eater."


"I'm Not Your Hero"

AU. He presses the tip of his wand against her throat. "I don't trust you any more than I trust Snivellus," Sirius sneers. "Once a Death Eater. Always a Death Eater."

*Alternate universe where James and Lily Potter survive. The story is written mainly in a series of vignettes.

Warning: explicit language and physical assault

Drama/Angst Rated T

Disclaimer: All characters and anything related to Harry Potter in here belong to JK Rowling, Warner Bros, Bloomsbury Publishing, etc.

* * *

(October 1979 - 1981)

She enters the Shrieking Shack during the night of a full moon. Thankfully, the Marauders have already graduated Hogwarts. Otherwise, she'd never risk her life to be maimed by a werewolf. Yes, she knows about Remus Lupin. She knows many secrets, especially the kind that can get her killed. But if there's one thing she's good at, well, it's surviving. The "haunted" house looks less haunted on the inside. The decor is plain and dust coats every visible surface.

The blonde witch takes out her wand and casts her Patronus. The silver raven gently swoops down and nips her finger affectionately.

"Find Dumbledore. Tell the Headmaster that Marlene Mckinnon wants to speak him about The Order."

1.1.1.

She's never been inside the Headmaster's office until now. Figures. Her school years were unremarkable at best. Almost the entire Mckinnon household was sorted in Gryffindor, even her fraternal twin brother. Marlene had been a Ravenclaw, which evidently meant people assumed she was a swot. Her interpretation of "knowledge is power" differed from most. It was something the Sorting Hat had pointed out to her in first year, as if she'd understand at the mere age of eleven.

"Miss Mckinnon," Dumbledore says. "It's a pleasure."

 _That's a lie_

He doesn't see her as an open threat (not yet anyway), but his twinkling blue eyes are shrouded in suspicion. She can't blame him. Her left forearm twitches.

"I'm sorry to hear about your brother, Liam," he adds carefully gauging her reaction.

It doesn't surprise that her that he knows about Liam's death, but he's not subtle about it. Honestly, _Gryffindors_. She arranges her expression into a blank canvas.

"We're in a war, Headmaster," she replies. "Casualities are inevitable."

For a moment, his eyes are downcast but when he looks back up at Marlene, she can see the thing she hates most.

 _Pity_

"So it would seem."

1.1.1.

The pitch she's practiced for a fortnight pays off. Dumbledore says he'll contact her after he explains the situation to the other members of The Order. Marlene has a feeling they won't take it too well, but it's nothing she isn't prepared for.

"She's an undeniable assest," Auror Moody admits begrudingly. "Everything in her file checks out."

Unceremoniously, Sirius Black seems to be the one who really has it in for her. After her first tense meeting, he corners her right outside the Hog's Head. He presses the tip of his wand against her throat. "I don't trust you any more than I trust Snivellus," Sirius sneers. "Once a Death Eater. Always a Death Eater."

Marlene almost forgets how to breathe as she watches him walk away.

1.1.1.

Unlike most of The Order members, she's not required to participate in guard duty. One day, Frank Longbottom is injured among several Aurors during a raid and they're short staffed. Marlene volunteers. Sirius shoots her down immediately.

"Don't be daft, Mckinnon," he says. "What if one of your colleagues recognize you?"

With a flick of her wand, the color of her eyes and hair change. Her inner left forearm is innocently white. No dark mark visible.

"Glamour charms," she coos in his direction.

He presses his lips into a firm line. "You-Know-Who can easily dismantle Glamour charms."

"Well I guess it's a good thing I know that the Dark Lord won't show up at King's Cross Station when students return home for Christmas holidays," she says.

Sirius clenches his jaw but doesn't retort. She becomes accustomed to the sight of his backside. It could be worse.

1.1.1.

She saves his life. She's never saved anyone's life before. She's not a bloody hero and yet she saves _him_ of all people. The devilishly handsome wizard who's taunted her relentessly at meetings, and makes it no secret that he thinks she's as scummy as Severus Snape. And it's funny, because they actually have a lot more in common than she'd like to admit. Both raised in pure-blood households and now orphans. She's lost Liam. He's lost Regulus. They both want Lord Voldemort dead. They're both willing to do whatever it takes to protect the ones they love.

Some nights, she doesn't know what's real and what's right anymore.

1.1.1.

The night she finds out about Sybill Trelawney's prophecy, her hands won't stop shaking. She knows she's in a war, but she's never felt the weight of the world on her shoulders until now.

 _"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches...Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not...and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives..."_

She knows Severus Snape has only heard part of The Prophecy before Aberforth throws him out of the Hog's Head. It's only a matter of time before the Dark Lord or rather Tom Riddle makes his decision.

1.1.1.

This time she corners him.

"What do you want, Mckinnon?" he asks drolly.

It's an act that's fairly easy to see through even for someone who isn't her. Everyone knows Sirius Black is itching for a fight these days.

"One thing you should know about me, Black," she simpers. "I'm not a legilimens but I can tell when someone is lying."

"What's that supposed to mean?" His tone is immediately defensive. Typical.

"Stop pushing Lupin away," she says slowly. "He's the one you should be trusting not Pettigrew."

She doesn't know when she got the stones to be so tactless, but there it is—out in the open—and there's no going back now. A small part of her is hoping Black will recognize that so he'll believe her. After all, she could just emotionally manipulate him. She could go to Albus Dumbledore first. There are a myriad of other ways (read: easier) to nip this in the bud, but she chooses the hard the way because she may not know anything about being a hero but she does know what it's like to trust someone with your life. He has a right to know.

This time he doesn't bother with a wand. In an instant, his fist is tight around her throat. Her breath staggers and it dimly occurs to her that she could die like this.

"Black...don't..." she gasps. Her light green eyes begin to water.

There are so many things she wants say in this moment. Don't kill me. Don't become a murderer. Don't be like _them_.

She hears a faint scream in the background. A flash of deep, dark red blurs her vision. She realizes it's hair and breathes a sigh of relief when his hand is forcefully removed from crushing her windpipe.

"Get off her, Sirius!" Lily's voice has gone shrill.

"I'm okay." Marlene coughs and wipes her damp blonde curls away from her face.

Black is staring at his hand in horror.

Potter is standing a few meters away unsure of how to react.

No one else seems to able to say much of anything. She musters up enough strength to look straight into the depths of his grey eyes. "I'll prove it," she says. "I'll make an Unbreakable Vow."

1.1.1.

"Is this really necessary?" Lily asks.

"Yes," Sirius and Marlene answer in unsion.

They're in Godric's Hollow. Lily's finished putting Harry to bed in the nursery room.

"We could use Veritaserum," James offers.

Sirius scoffs. "Yeah because we have plenty of that to go around, mate. Plus Mckinnon knows Occulumency, which means she can resist it. I'm not leaving things up to chance, not when it comes to you, Lily, and Harry."

"Who will act as the Bonder?" Marlene takes off her cloak.

Lily steps forward with her wand in hand. Sirius and Marlene kneel in front of each other and clasping their right hands.

"Will you, Marlene, tell the truth about You-Know-Who's decision in regards to Sybill Trelawney's prophecy?"

"I will."

A thin flame of light draws out from the wand and winds around their hands.

"And will you, to the best of your ability, protect the Potter's from harm?"

"I will."

"And should it prove necessary...will you take Peter Pettigrew's place as the Secret Keeper?"

"I will."

The wire like light vanishes and they let go of each other's hands. Marlene can feel the residual magic tingling and her left forearm turns ice cold.

1.1.1.

Their interrogation with Pettigrew doesn't go as planned. Despite Marlene's efforts to appeal to the Dark Lord that she's _his_ double spy. That her loyalty lies with him indefinitely. Well Pettigrew ruins months worth of painstakingly hard work by transforming into a bleeding rat and running away.

That's it. Game over. She loses.

"Dumbledore's willing to offer you protection."

Tonight they're staying in a safe house near Godric's Hollow. Sirius is drinking another glass of Firewhiskey.

"I know that he's supposed to be the figurehead of hope in this cause but there's only so much he can do for me."

"He defeated Grindelwald," he points out.

"That was more than 30 years ago," she retorts.

"Your cynicism is endearing really," he drawls. "Has anyone told you that?"

Marlene sticks out her left forearm. "You said it yourself. I'm a Death Eater. That's all I am. This will define me for the rest of my life, even if we win this war. I'll be sent to Azkaban."

"Ah you forget, we never formally made Wormtail-I mean Pettigrew-the Secret Keeper. The Potter's are safe now because of you. That counts for something. They'll vouch for you," he says. "And so will I."

"I'm sorry," Marlene mumbles. She's exhausted and on the verge of giving up. "I choose this life. You didn't choose to lose one of your best mate's."

Sirius smirks. "Don't get sentimental yet, Mckinnon. We still need kill the bastard."

1.1.1.

She gets hit with a Stupefy. A stunning spell for fucks sake, not even a dark curse. It's embarrassing, really.

Sirius arches a single dark brow. "Wanna go again, trouble?"

"I almost miss the good ole days," she says dryly. "When you stuck to threats and physical assault."

He nearly chokes out a laugh. It comes out like garbled nonsense. She feels a little thrill from his reaction.

"You have a twisted sense of humor."

She knows this is true; war has twisted its way into every crevice of her mind and body. Humor is a weak defense mechanism compared to magic, but it's the only thing that's keeping her sane.

"One more time Mckinnon, before we call it a night." Black's voice is a sharp contrast to the antiquated ambiance of the Shrieking Shack.

Marlene cracks her neck and positions herself in a dueling stance.

This time she refuses to go down without a fight.

* * *

 _A/N: Part 1_


End file.
